A few days ago I wrote a blog post about “The Role of a Woman” which received a great deal of feedback from both my readers and family members so I wanted to expand on the topic a bit more.
My hubby is a man of few words so I take advantage of his driving time whenever I can and while he can’t find a way to escape my questions that are too deep for his liking. This past weekend we drove 7 hours to meet my daughter and her family in Orlando for a couple days so we had a lot of alone time in the car so it was my perfect opportunity! I wanted to talk to him about my blog post and get a man’s point of view about the role of a woman.
We have been married for almost 13 years so I thought I really knew how he would answer many of my questions but I was really surprised at a few of his answers.
The first question I put to him was: How can a woman show her husband respect and follow his lead?
After a lengthy conversation we both agreed that in today’s world the role of a woman has become clouded. With many families needing the income of two working people it’s hard to determine who is the hunter (man) and who is the gather (woman) anymore.
Because of the economic pressure we have today a man’s role of head of the household is getting lost. Can we still abide by the biblical values of the man being a man and a woman being a woman in the roles as God intended? I think we can!
I have to admit that after working full time for so many years and being a business owner for 10 of those years it took me a while to find my place in our family again. We struggled early on with whose role was whose and how did it all fit together as I was running a business and my hubby was working for me. After we sold that business I began my trek to finding my place again, very happily giving the pants back to my hubby.
One of my main concerns while writing the roles of a woman was how can a woman respect her husband and follow his lead without being submissive. My hubby answered this question and gave me a lot to think about along the way.
First of all he thought that most men would not want a yes sir woman in their life. They would want someone who gave them their input, took into account their feelings and suggestions and one that respected him enough not to go against his wishes if he felt strongly about something.
We felt there is a fine line between the respect a woman should have for her husband and being submissive to him. In my opinion…I feel a strong woman has ideas and input of her own and a good union between man and woman are those that can feed off of each other’s suggestions to find good solutions to whatever may arise. A good woman will follow her husbands’ lead and a good man will take into account his wives views and consider them while making any decision. I know I have learned how and when it’s the right time to ask him for something. While laughing my hubby said that is a woman’s way of manipulating a man but I look at it as whatever it takes to make him think it was his idea things will always go my way.
My second question to him was: What did he feel my role as a woman was but mostly my role as his wife?
I was really surprised at his answer and even though we have been married this long I never sat down and asked him point blank those questions. I knew the simple things he expected of me, things like cooking, cleaning and taking care of him but what I didn’t know was that he expected me to stay in my God given gender role!
Gender role…where did that come from, I had never heard him say those words before and after a long conversation with him I figured out it was very important to him. So what did he mean? What was my gender role? I am a woman how much more “in my gender roll” could that be?
He gave me a list:
- a woman clothes should be skirts and dresses not pants and shorts
- a woman should allow a man to be a gentleman…for example a woman should wait to have a door opened for her instead of opening it herself
- lifting and moving things should be left to a man
- tilling the garden is a man’s job (this was directed for me since I have argued with him in the past that I am more than capable of doing this job and I could never understand why he would never let me do it)
- not that he expects it but he enjoys the house being clean and organized, dinner ready when he gets home and clean clothes in his drawers…and an occasional sweet treat waiting on the counter for him
- all in all he expects me to be a woman…soft, feminine, sweet and caring
I would encourage you to ask your husband these questions you might just discover something you didn’t know about his expectations. I would love to hear how your husband answered these questions.
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Bucket, 11-Quart |
 Large Wooden Drying Rack |
 Cotton/Polyester Blend Clothesline |
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Beginners Set – Aromatherapy |
Cotton, Printed 
Shark 
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Essential Oil-
Another excellent post!
You were wise in asking your husband these questions. I think, today, those questions go unasked in most households therefore creating not only a gap in communication but also a lack of understanding and expectation of each other’s roles.
The lines of gender roles have become very blurry these days. I know of several women who define who they are by their job therefore they feel it is demeaning to fulfill their God-given role. Thankfully, I have never succumbed to defining myself by the type of job I have. I am happiest at home, fulfilling my role as a woman and my husband is happier as well.
My personal opinion, is that the men in today’s society have become weaker and feel like failures in a sense because their role of hunter and head of the house has become a two-person job. I think a lot of them subconsciously think they’re failures because they can’t fulfill their role. I know from experience that when I stopped working outside the home my husband embraced the challenge of providing for us in today’s economy. I believe it made him feel better about himself as a man. Again, my opinion and personal observations.
Thank you for this post. I hope it will encourage women to embrace their God-given role!
(And, I’m working on the skirt issue. They are much more comfortable, lol!)
HERE HERE!!!!
Thanks for your input and I love that others feel the same was that I do. I am trying real hard with the skirt thing as well. I have only worn slacks 2 days out of the last 2 weeks and that was only because I don’t have enough to get me through a whole work week…now isn’t that sad? I found a great homemade skirt pattern and will be posting about soon.
Thank you for the thought provoking post! I am going to ask my husband of 27 years these questions this weekend. I feel as you did, that I think I know what his answers will be, but now I just can’t wait to hear what he says and if he surprises me. We both work outside the home now but throughout our marriage have pretty much divided our roles along traditional gender lines with my husband being the main bread winner/financial decision maker. I stayed home with our children for 12 years and then went back out into the workforce. I still do the house chores and he the repairs and maintenance. It has always worked for us. Good luck with the skirt issue, that would be really hard for me, but I don’t expect it to be on my husband’s list.
Thanks for sharing in Jan and I can’t wait to hear what your husband says…please let us know!
I’m not sure I can ask my husband of 34 years this question. I’ve have been a full time homemaker all of these years. Im guessing when we first married we discussed a little about what each of us would be responsible for. Somehow the thought of him telling me what he expects of me might make me feel a little bitter. I do all of these things because I want to be a good wife, mother and keeper of our home while he provides for us. I love it when he pops up and finishes dishes because he knows I work hard all day too. That makes me feel loved and valued.
What a sweet loving husband to show you in the simplest way he loves you.
Our only income is my teacher’s pension, so my husband says he wants me to make all the decisions (how to pay bills, where to eat, whether to eat out, etc.). Still, when I make such a decision, he too often finds fault with it. It might be the food I cooked gave him indigestion, a restaurant I picked didn’t have anything he wanted to eat, etc. Even when I ask for input or suggestions, he tells me it’s all up to me. Then he wonders why I get frustrated.
Kathy sorry you are feeling a bit defeated. I would be insisting he make the decisions…will he allow that?